Grades on Friendship

   
   My friends decided we should all go camping, to relieve school stress, even though they party more than they study, most of them. But I took on the offer, and saved up as much as I could. I've been camping before, I knew what to expect, as in the terms of items. But I also over pack, I AM A GIRL. stereotype. The night before, I skipped class so I could babysit to make an extra $40 bucks. The $40 bucks goes towards the payment for sleeping on the campground. *yeah, we pay to sleep on dirt, pee and excessive things on their dirty little poison ivy bushes and gross bathrooms, along with spider bites. Then again, if you drink a lot, you don't care... which I totally did!
 But after my babysitting, I was pushed into a baseball game with military boys invite. Oh, I don't care for military, and yet I am attracted to them, plus they are adorable! I was off with me and my friend M, in which me and her chugged a beer and rushed on makeup in the dim parking lot. Our chatter mouths about boys came in and about, until I was stepping out of the car. I got a weird instinct, almost has me seeing me loose my wallet, and hearing the words "Don't Do it" . I obviously ignored and came about throughout the night with laughter, sitting around and having a good time. One drink in, I was good to go, and kept checking my wallet all night.
The game ended.
I started walking up, making inside jokes, I felt something hit me. Oh, it must be a person bumping me, it was crowded. Suddenly, it was gone. My wallet! was it stolen? did I loose it? when? why!? for my stupid actions, more money (than $40) was in!!! My debit, ID, School Card...gone.
Whats a girl to do when she can't find it ANYWHERE?!!?cry. ball. cancel the camping trip. I was so upset, humiliated, and disappointed at my ignorance. But, through my tears, I had only two of my friends help me out M and Sal. My girl M didn't have to spot me at all, but when I found $74 dollars in my hand because she went to the ATM at 3 am to spot me, it hit me hard as a friendship sign. I thank M so much and her reply "Don't worry about it, these things happen, you would have done the same". M trusted me, as a friend, because you truly don't know if you would do the same until it happens.
My girl Sal, spotted me with food, beer, supplies, and a great excuse to the world. Through all this mess, it showed who got my back. While I told my other girls, they just typed "sad faces" and hope u get better luck. Then wanted some credit when they spotted the gas up there. I love my friends, every bit, and no fingers pointed or contest who can be there the best. People help people different ways.
I have one friend who wants to party, her motto should be "Party and forget all the bad things". But there is only so much partying before we have to face all.
An accident occur a couple weeks ago with Sal, and I happen to be there at the right time and place. Help her out with a few truthful and honest words. Try to understand what her family was going through at the time, and understand that it affected her job. While the other friends were there, wanted party. They wanted to hear juicy gossip, a juicy classic dramatic story from Sal, and drink to it. I can't raise my glass to friends who don't stop for once and take ignition their not the only ones on earth. But how long can I keep this to myself?
I have to believe my friends care for me (who show odd ways of caring), it is their nature and not just me. But when dramatic things happen, isn't it a sign of who going to be there with you in friendship, thick and thin?
We always say "You would do the same", to bad we don't think the same, nor look the same, nor feel the same. But, when the "test" of friendship is passed, just realize, you would do the same only with the same good friends you always had. 

"Want?"

I have come to the conclusions that my girlfriends cannot possibly live without a man texting or calling. Their frustration has led me to think I must always try to flirt with some guy, so that I can "not feel lonely" as well.
But why must they feel the need to ALWAYS have someone? I have one girlfriend who has found the perfect boy, but feeds around other guys. She use to say once she found a great guy, she would change, but its still the same.
Is the need for wanting to have someone is more like a disease, or just human nature?
I have become perfectly content with waking up or going to sleep and not have a text from someone who I or he admires. My friends say, "I have lack game." but if I lack game, why do I feel like the winner? I feel like I am not using someone nor am I wasting my time. I am so focus onto school, that I do not want someone. Yet, I still put on the makeup and descent clothes everyday.
I wouldn't mind having someone right now, but to obsessively want is a desire I cannot see. Some of my girlfriends will talk to any guy giving them any attention.
The ex has been calling me, and the burning bridges is trying to burn it to pieces. My girlfriend had heard he was trying to get back with me and immediately turned him down. I know why she did, after all he wasn't the best guy for me, but I was still hurt. She has 6 to 7 guys she is talking to or dating, and the one man to show me attention she throws down. I simply replied " least he fights for me back, least he has a sense of want for me..." debbie downer reply it may be, but we all want some form of a person to care for us. This person, was the Sailor, a downright liar and a horrible boyfriend. Yet, I want to feel a sense of likeness.
The last guy that I dated, Mr.boring, was...Mr.boring. But by him still becoming Facebook friends, has actually tortured me. I do not creep on his page at all, after all, everything practically on private, and for a boring guy, that's strange. But I always see him online, and not once he has messaged me. I guess I should explained: When we "broke" up, it was over text, over a stupid pathetic fight, I apologized heavily, made a fool explaining that I liked him and that I did not want it to end. I also asked him, if he wanted me, if he liked me, he was to just say it, just say right then and there. I ended up getting what no girl wants: Silence.
Not a call. Not a text. Nothing. I realized we ended when I didn't hear from him the next morning.
I thought I would hear from him eventually. but, nothing.
I guess I see our friendship on Facebook, is a joke and a mock. Mr.boring stays on my page as one of my favorites, and yet, I haven't talked to him.
The week we stopped talking, I stopped looking for guy. yet, I have a sense of him to want me, even though I could care less about him. I guess because we left our wanting relationship into silence.
I have an internship at a advertising company along with double classes and a job this summer, I expect more books. Though stress and worrying about school has kept me busy, little thoughts of the men who are silent with me, spark me to curiosity.
 But I see a sense of challenging yourself, putting your goals forward will give you a sense of want, in return a person could give. Of course, its always easier said then done. But we must realize, your sense of want will match up to the person that wants you.

Come Back...to spoon.

Who goes out to a bar and meets a boy, who later brings them back just to snuggle? Me. I have managed to bring back someone from a  night club not to do anything but to spoon. Since when did my comfort zone stoop to getting drunk and having someone beside me?

            I have managed and have done well to going out weekends and never bringing home a guy nor really having a full conversation. I see bars as a way for me to get free drinks. Thanks to my girlfriends, I have become quite the con artist making sure every guy who talks to me will buy me a drink and then I detach myself from them to find the next sucker. Is it wrong? Yes. Very. And Karma is such a bitch.

            But I would like to point my perspective, as I am hard to please. Obviously, I am still single and enjoying the fine things in life, such as conning men on weekends.  But who saids they haven’t played me? It happens all the time. The game of love is tricky. There are no exceptions except for the ones you make up and there are no rules unless you choose. There are barriers and grid lines of what should come into place, but thanks to holy forsaken people and swingers, the guide lines are imaginary. Which is why I can’t ask, but to wonder when will I know when enough is enough with the immature tricks. When will I realize I play foolish games and what I am doing is spinning me into a wheel?

            I would like to point fingers at the exs as if they were the reason for all my actions. But I am to blame. I found the ones who could care less about me and wonder why the relationship is going nowhere. I am taking a wheel and just letting it spin around and around but not wanting to stop and think of my actions.

            I am having fun and loving every moment, no even coming to the thought of my actions. Which is why I managed this summer not to fall back with any boy I ever once dated and to move forward. Burn all the bridges. And look from the distance, of why they are my past. If I “need” some comfort from strangers, so be it.

            If I can managed to not give any exs a certain call or text, I can manage most things… for starters, I could buy my own drink. But then again, I can do that when I am old and married.

            Second, I can create some of the best nonfiction stories for the young twenty female world of summer, with the help of my single friends. After all, I probably would not have pleasure in my writing, if these things never happened to me. 

Incase you were wondering, The spooning led to a fancy $8 bloody marry with tasteful shrimp and grits. Which comes to show, not every guy is looking for just some tail, but comfort. just as well.