I did it. I moved. I moved to Dallas, TX.
Big city lights, people flock the streets with brand names but at the same time, you can meet a country boy at the edge of the corner.
I've only been here for a month, and my breath is taken away by the lights and giant buildings. This is beauty. This is my new concrete jungle.
Allow me to elaborate, I am from Jacksonville, FL. Where I grew up? We had jacked up trucks, listen to country music, and my type of guy would take me fishing in the swamp. I grew up swimming with mannatees or jumping in the river with the alligators. At the same time, you can drive across town and you could hit up the beach and go surfing. I had water surround me, and I still could live a city life if I chose. Jacksonville, is home. In life? I plan on giving back to Jacksonville.
Almost a couple weeks in, I was going here and there on dates. Sweet couple of guys but there was no line of me dragging into a conversation again, even if that meant a meal over steak. When someone at my work told me I had to meet someone, I just shrugged my shoulders and said "Why not? I live in a different city now, and my walls are torn" she was telling me all about him, "He's a doctor, well…going to be… a dentist. so you know?:) " No? No I don't. See, I've never had a fascination with doctors nor will I go out of my way for a dentist. Because of money? Please. If there anything I've learned in the past, people with money, build problems and I definitely did not want to meet a "huancho ego" man. But I agree'd to meet him, not knowing what he looked like, or how he was, I just did. Until, I met him, did I realize in some twisted way, I wish I didn't.
Cruel? You may say. But this was the first time, in awhile that I could be myself around a guy. No judgement. No remarks. I could drink like a fish, have a mouth of a sailor, or make annoying joking sounds, he didn't care, he still smiled. Acceptance? I didn't understand, I became intrigued with it.
Through every fling and desire, I was always "Too much", the list starts at; Your Too much of a morning person. Your Too outgoing. Your too happy. Your too loud. Your too nice. Your too honest. You say foul language too much. Your too weird. Your too crazy. It was always up to standards that I couldn't match up to, it was always "Too much", that it broke me down to mimic what people expected out of me, and eventually it led me to go completely single, because I was never too much for myself.
Here was the problem, I was liking a guy who was about to graduate and leave Dallas for good. Going back to his kingdom, when I had just found my throne. Looking at the past, it was easy to see why I would try to keep knowing him, knowing he was walking away. I dated military. It was very common for me to get to know them and for them to leave. Thats what they did, and thats what programmed me.
When I first met him, he was beautiful, not just a pretty face, but the inside of getting to know him. His stories of what mold him, what took him in place and why he was who he was. But I also saw a bit of broken pieces in him, I don't think he particularly saw how great of a person he was. I've have always, always been attracted to the men who have a bit of low self esteem. I know, that sounds vulgar but the thing is, I have high self esteem. I love who I am, and I love my body, and if I can change for the better, than I will but I won't change it for others. The reasoning behind this? I believe if I can hold on just a little bit, and let them know their worth, they would change themselves for the better.
I wish he could see his worth, not as a dentist. But his sense of character. I found him highly attractive, almost dangerously gorgeous. I see his dark sense of humor to be hilarious and his words of knowledge and beliefs to be fascinating. I find this individual still needing to know his worth and to keep it sacred from the ones who are out to hurt him. He should build walls, a catch like that? Needs to have protection.
So what am I doing, still talking to this individual? I have two more months and than he is gone. Believe me, I hate the fact that I want to hold on to something that will escape my life, but I love the fact he is captured here. But maybe I am here to show him his worth, and maybe he his here to show what worth I have. I believe everything happens for a reason, a fling? a friendship? Just Company? call it what you want, but his walls are coming up and mine just came down. Two opposites seeing eye to eye on different views but enjoying every aspect in each other. So let me make the best of it, let me choose what makes me happy, and let me make an impact of someones life, even if its short-lived.
Big city lights, people flock the streets with brand names but at the same time, you can meet a country boy at the edge of the corner.
I've only been here for a month, and my breath is taken away by the lights and giant buildings. This is beauty. This is my new concrete jungle.
Allow me to elaborate, I am from Jacksonville, FL. Where I grew up? We had jacked up trucks, listen to country music, and my type of guy would take me fishing in the swamp. I grew up swimming with mannatees or jumping in the river with the alligators. At the same time, you can drive across town and you could hit up the beach and go surfing. I had water surround me, and I still could live a city life if I chose. Jacksonville, is home. In life? I plan on giving back to Jacksonville.
Almost a couple weeks in, I was going here and there on dates. Sweet couple of guys but there was no line of me dragging into a conversation again, even if that meant a meal over steak. When someone at my work told me I had to meet someone, I just shrugged my shoulders and said "Why not? I live in a different city now, and my walls are torn" she was telling me all about him, "He's a doctor, well…going to be… a dentist. so you know?:) " No? No I don't. See, I've never had a fascination with doctors nor will I go out of my way for a dentist. Because of money? Please. If there anything I've learned in the past, people with money, build problems and I definitely did not want to meet a "huancho ego" man. But I agree'd to meet him, not knowing what he looked like, or how he was, I just did. Until, I met him, did I realize in some twisted way, I wish I didn't.
Cruel? You may say. But this was the first time, in awhile that I could be myself around a guy. No judgement. No remarks. I could drink like a fish, have a mouth of a sailor, or make annoying joking sounds, he didn't care, he still smiled. Acceptance? I didn't understand, I became intrigued with it.
Through every fling and desire, I was always "Too much", the list starts at; Your Too much of a morning person. Your Too outgoing. Your too happy. Your too loud. Your too nice. Your too honest. You say foul language too much. Your too weird. Your too crazy. It was always up to standards that I couldn't match up to, it was always "Too much", that it broke me down to mimic what people expected out of me, and eventually it led me to go completely single, because I was never too much for myself.
Here was the problem, I was liking a guy who was about to graduate and leave Dallas for good. Going back to his kingdom, when I had just found my throne. Looking at the past, it was easy to see why I would try to keep knowing him, knowing he was walking away. I dated military. It was very common for me to get to know them and for them to leave. Thats what they did, and thats what programmed me.
When I first met him, he was beautiful, not just a pretty face, but the inside of getting to know him. His stories of what mold him, what took him in place and why he was who he was. But I also saw a bit of broken pieces in him, I don't think he particularly saw how great of a person he was. I've have always, always been attracted to the men who have a bit of low self esteem. I know, that sounds vulgar but the thing is, I have high self esteem. I love who I am, and I love my body, and if I can change for the better, than I will but I won't change it for others. The reasoning behind this? I believe if I can hold on just a little bit, and let them know their worth, they would change themselves for the better.
I wish he could see his worth, not as a dentist. But his sense of character. I found him highly attractive, almost dangerously gorgeous. I see his dark sense of humor to be hilarious and his words of knowledge and beliefs to be fascinating. I find this individual still needing to know his worth and to keep it sacred from the ones who are out to hurt him. He should build walls, a catch like that? Needs to have protection.
So what am I doing, still talking to this individual? I have two more months and than he is gone. Believe me, I hate the fact that I want to hold on to something that will escape my life, but I love the fact he is captured here. But maybe I am here to show him his worth, and maybe he his here to show what worth I have. I believe everything happens for a reason, a fling? a friendship? Just Company? call it what you want, but his walls are coming up and mine just came down. Two opposites seeing eye to eye on different views but enjoying every aspect in each other. So let me make the best of it, let me choose what makes me happy, and let me make an impact of someones life, even if its short-lived.
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